It has been ten days since Iedul Fitri holiday. For those ten days, I have almost free my self from thinking about english, economics and other matters that have concerned me before. I have forgot about TOEFL score target, GRE vocabularies, etc. During those days, I have spent most of my time to handle my children's request, having great times with them, and tried to pay the time when I have to leave them. Although those activities have taken most of my time, my concern for macroeconomic issues, my prospective of scholarship and other non-personal matters was always there. During pouring hot water to the milk, I was still thinking about how many people cannot afford to buy milks for their children, or during commercial break during cartoon show I unintentionally still see points that I did not like in the media. There were many points that I wanted to discuss that happened during the holiday after I returned, but as I return now, I am kinds of forgetting most of them.
Just guessing of what I have though before, I think first topic that I want to examine more is about, how to improve economy of the people who live far from economic activity center, how government can formulate policy to do it, and how the people can be prepared to respond to the policy appropriately, so the objective can be achieved. Second problem, related to the first topic, is bureaucracy burden that deflect the objective of bureaucracy, contra-productive to the government objectives. The third one is how one's beloved ones build a man. I think about it when I first got home and found my children asleep. I though at that time, dear god, I cannot live and I have no objective to live without my love for them. This though occurred this afternoon as I kissed them to say good bye. Fourth topics is about true meaning of happiness related to sacrifice for trying to make the dreams come true. Fifth is about Leadership and tipping points for transforming the society. This topic includes education and media related matters. Combining all these topics into one general idea, they are about my dream and what can I do about it.
The first and the second topic is a very complicated subjective matters, so it is hard to examine it completely in a brief passage. So, let's put aside it first and discuss it in another time. I am still too fragile to talk about the third topic. I still feel how hard it is to leave the kids. I cannot talk it now, unless I will become too melancholy. Fourth topic is about why I decided to come here and leave my children. I do not think I can think clearly about it when I cannot sure about whether what I have decided was true or wrong. about the fifth topic, Malcolm Gladwell, a famous writer whom I admired very much, have discussed this problem in most of his books. I thinks it is about unethical for me to discuss it in short and brief paragraph only, while the one I admire worked uncountable effort for it. Thus, Though I cannot wait to explore the aspects of me and my dream very much, but the situation tonight, as well as my ethical value prevents me from doing so. Regretfully, I have to end this writing, and wait to confer these matters more appropriately in future.
Dulu, kuasa semesta hendak mengiringku, ku ayun sepatu pelempar batu... dia coba merayu, ku tantang dia dengan tinju, aku berlalu, laju dengan dayung ditanganku. Bertemu pada suatu waktu, coba dia mengaturku, mendidih darahku, aku berlalu. Pernah suatu ketika, dalam letihku, ditamparnya aku kau terpapar waktu, bisiknya dan tiada hirau ku, aku berlalu. Waktu angan menggiringku, ditamparnya aku, gagu dalam marahku, kalau hendak menekukku, kepalku sebeku palu, ditamparnya aku, merah mataku, kuremas kau jadi abu ditamparnya aku, ku lumat dia dengan mataku, ditamparnya aku, kau terpapar waktu aku berlalu. Api dimataku, ditamparnya aku ku ayun tinju, terjerembab ngilu, asin dimulutku, ditamparnya aku ngilu di tulangku, gemeretak buku jariku, ditamparnya aku tak mau ku diberi tahu, ku kasi dia tinju di dagu, aku berlalu. Dalam marah, perahuku laju, marah, lautku merah dalam marah, dayungku laju, perahuku ditelan kabut, dalam waktu, pudar bay...
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