It has been ten days since Iedul Fitri holiday. For those ten days, I have almost free my self from thinking about english, economics and other matters that have concerned me before. I have forgot about TOEFL score target, GRE vocabularies, etc. During those days, I have spent most of my time to handle my children's request, having great times with them, and tried to pay the time when I have to leave them. Although those activities have taken most of my time, my concern for macroeconomic issues, my prospective of scholarship and other non-personal matters was always there. During pouring hot water to the milk, I was still thinking about how many people cannot afford to buy milks for their children, or during commercial break during cartoon show I unintentionally still see points that I did not like in the media. There were many points that I wanted to discuss that happened during the holiday after I returned, but as I return now, I am kinds of forgetting most of them.
Just guessing of what I have though before, I think first topic that I want to examine more is about, how to improve economy of the people who live far from economic activity center, how government can formulate policy to do it, and how the people can be prepared to respond to the policy appropriately, so the objective can be achieved. Second problem, related to the first topic, is bureaucracy burden that deflect the objective of bureaucracy, contra-productive to the government objectives. The third one is how one's beloved ones build a man. I think about it when I first got home and found my children asleep. I though at that time, dear god, I cannot live and I have no objective to live without my love for them. This though occurred this afternoon as I kissed them to say good bye. Fourth topics is about true meaning of happiness related to sacrifice for trying to make the dreams come true. Fifth is about Leadership and tipping points for transforming the society. This topic includes education and media related matters. Combining all these topics into one general idea, they are about my dream and what can I do about it.
The first and the second topic is a very complicated subjective matters, so it is hard to examine it completely in a brief passage. So, let's put aside it first and discuss it in another time. I am still too fragile to talk about the third topic. I still feel how hard it is to leave the kids. I cannot talk it now, unless I will become too melancholy. Fourth topic is about why I decided to come here and leave my children. I do not think I can think clearly about it when I cannot sure about whether what I have decided was true or wrong. about the fifth topic, Malcolm Gladwell, a famous writer whom I admired very much, have discussed this problem in most of his books. I thinks it is about unethical for me to discuss it in short and brief paragraph only, while the one I admire worked uncountable effort for it. Thus, Though I cannot wait to explore the aspects of me and my dream very much, but the situation tonight, as well as my ethical value prevents me from doing so. Regretfully, I have to end this writing, and wait to confer these matters more appropriately in future.
Hearing your sobbing is the most difficult thing darling. Please forgive me. I know it is hard for us, especially for you. You love me and I am absolutely love you too. Tonight, I try to sleep, but I can not. Questions are shouting to me in silence. There are many things that I do not understand. I can not ensure my self whether this decision, which I have taken, is the best path or not. I do not know. Although I do not understand it my self, I hope you will understand some day. All that I want to be is being the best father for you and your brother. Both of you are my light. I am blind without you. You are my air. I can not breath without you. You are my soul. I am in hell without you. Sweetheart, I love you. Do you remember the time we play with Lego-blocks? In this life, I live my life, because of my in-capabilities, in a way like you play your lego. I often do not really know what I want to build or how to build it. I just put a brick on top of another, without really understand
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