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Diujung Musim Gugur

Darah mengental di nadi, aorta menggelora, jantung terus saja memompa.
Butiran-butiran keringat berlompatan dari pori, berhamburan, bercerabutan disela ramang.
Tenggorok digorok parau, gurau kacau terjebak payau galau, ceracau di thorax dicekam diafragma
Nadi menegang, vena membelintang, arteri menari dalam marche funebre, bukan Marionete atau Chopin, tapi Beethoven dalam trans.

kau usap mukaku, kau usap mataku, kau usap wajahku,
kau balut mukaku, ku pagut cintaku, kau hilang. Pilu..
Hanya bayang..
Hanya bayang..

HHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIII............................

Siapa menanam durja,
Kenapa merajam cinta?
Fana hanya kita kakanda, mungkin tak kala untuk kau senja, bisa saja hilang kau dalam sehasta, terra incognita di mana-mana, marre incognitum penuh nujum, kembara kenapa?
apa yang kau cari cinta?

Semesta hening memekak otak, mayapada ternganga menggelitik pelik, gagu didasar kalbu.

Dulu ragu dan mas que nada ku lagu, night train berucap untukku. Saat itu garuda ku nakhoda, visnu ku jelma, awan dikepalan, sebatang marlboro, dan I did it my way... horison meninggalkan bukit barisan.
Ku pandang dunia dengan dagu, ku gulung playdough, ku bentuk suka-suka. Kulemparkan canda, anakku tertawa, duniaku penuh cahaya dan penyairku menyebar sajaknya. Cinta dalam dekap, ku dengar langkah cahaya berlari melompati Himalaya, ku kejar mustafa yang menyebar bunga rampai di Aconcagua, dia melompat ke Denali, dari Elbrus Kirana melambai. Mengambang bersama embun Kerepakupai, Sadeq bercerita tentang Auyantepui. Di Palolok, Varanus Salvator tersenyum menyapa Gunter Grass. Dari balik Singgalang, Polonaises Chopin berkata, hasta la vista.

Terjerembab, mataku sembab. Sepagi ini, tak ada hangat untukku. Semalam tadi tidur tak menyentuhku. Susu hangat, roti dan mentega membuat ku dahaga. Mockingbird dari ranting Mapple berdaun saga bersahutan dengan Saloma dibalik kaca. Blue Jay berteriak meemanggil anaknya, aku diam merindukan peluk cahaya cinta mustafa. Rindu menjajah ku dan ku kalah. Kalahku parah.

dimana aku cinta?

Di awal musim gugur, ku lihat ranting yang tak mau melepas daun. Di tengah musim gugur ku pandang daun yang tak mau gugur, kuningpun enggan. Di akhir musim gugur, ku lihat semua tersungkur.

Kedinginan, ku mengadu pada dahan dan dia tertawa. Isak bergejolak di gema suaranya, gemeretak siul ranting ranting bekunya. Penuh ancam, dipandangnya cemara, nafsunya bergelora, dendam kesumatnya membara, api di pucuk-pucuknya. Sebentar saja, beku kembali semua, angin dari utara menyapa. Kedinginan, dahan memeluknya, rating menyapa "mana rantingmu, kenapa tak kau bawa?"

kenapa ku di sini cinta?

Jikalau pun tak ada jawaban karena jalan tanpa pilihan, tak ku lepas kau bayang.
andai pun tak ku rela jauh, tak ku terima lumpuh, sekarang jauh sebelum subuh, tak ku punya suluh.
Tak ku lepas kau bayang.

Memandang cemara dari sudut ini, kurindu daunku membeku seperti paku,
Muak aku berkibar menampar bayu, rindu aku tenggelam dalam pelukmu..

cinta?


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