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Reconciliation

Last August 11 is my 6th anniversary. Congratulation to me! Yet, sadly this is the second consecutive year I cannot celebrate it properly. This year just as last year, I was separated by distance from my wife, and I cannot pass it. Thus, besides bringing grateful feeling of the six years of blessings as man and wife, with two light of Kiran and  Sadeq in my little heaven, this anniversary also makes me blue.

This year August 11 falls at Saturday. Here in Syracuse, NY it delays 11 hours after one in Indonesia. Under my unintended ignorance, I that was waiting to say "happy anniversary" to my wife forgot that it was already 11 in Indonesia. So, I had to said that after she reminded me. It was annoying. I was waiting for it, and this earth spinning mechanism tricked me.

Today, I was also tricked by the time. After early breakfast at 4.00 AM in the morning, I fall asleep just after 4.40 AM. I woke up around 8.50 AM. As I have class at 9.00 AM, with an exceptional hurry, I rushed to the campus. After parking the bike on the bike slot, I found out that it was 7.20AM. I didn't know how did this happen. Time have given me a prank, again, to begin my week after the weekend.

This morning I read an article at yahoo.com about Marlyn Manson wrote FUCK YOU on his face. He did this under intention directing it to paparazzi who  waited for him at the airport. His act reminded me the feeling I had to the situations that I have just face. It is easier to blame others to the problems we have indeed.

I think people see more with their insight rather than with their view. We focus more on what we see as problems solutions, situations, and conditions. We see it all from our perspective that put us aside from the root of the problem. Rarely we see our selves as the problem, the cause of conflicts, the origin of hatred, etc.

The question is what have we done to evaluate our selves. what have we done to recalculate our share to today's condition. It does not have to be in a macro perspective, in micro instead. It is too easy to do it in macro. It is a few or too few. Yet, in micro, you have to analyze it deeper, "ledger by ledger" to use that long forgotten term of accounting. Furthermore, this process is called reconciliation.

When I began to think about reconciliation, I began to consider some ledgers of my life. I began to question whether I should do it as an accountant do, based on assets and obligation and capital, or should it be in a different ways. Further more, what are the events that I want to recognize in this calculation. There are so many events and situation that I already have. There are so many facets that I see and realize can be considered as parts of my total balance right now.

To calculate more, I consider there are several main accounts that have material sum. I can now imagine lists of accounts arranged in my ledgers. My life as a father, as a husband, as a citizen of Indonesia, as a Minang, as Citizen of the world, as a son, as a brother, as an uncle,  as a customs officer, as an Indonesian citizen, as an Indonesian in United States, as a Dalam Koto boy, and many more to mention some. After all, there are so many of them. 

I will just end this here, I might will continue (or not) in other writings. It is time for budgeting class.

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