BONADEI

Dulu, kuasa semesta hendak mengiringku, ku ayun sepatu pelempar batu... dia coba merayu, ku tantang dia dengan tinju, aku berlalu, laju dengan dayung ditanganku. Bertemu pada suatu waktu, coba dia mengaturku, mendidih darahku, aku berlalu. Pernah suatu ketika, dalam letihku, ditamparnya aku kau terpapar waktu, bisiknya dan tiada hirau ku, aku berlalu. Waktu angan menggiringku, ditamparnya aku, gagu dalam marahku, kalau hendak menekukku, kepalku sebeku palu, ditamparnya aku, merah mataku, kuremas kau jadi abu ditamparnya aku, ku lumat dia dengan mataku, ditamparnya aku, kau terpapar waktu aku berlalu. Api dimataku, ditamparnya aku ku ayun tinju, terjerembab ngilu, asin dimulutku, ditamparnya aku ngilu di tulangku, gemeretak buku jariku, ditamparnya aku tak mau ku diberi tahu, ku kasi dia tinju di dagu, aku berlalu. Dalam marah, perahuku laju, marah, lautku merah dalam marah, dayungku laju, perahuku ditelan kabut, dalam waktu, pudar bayangku berbisik diteling

Darah mengental di nadi, aorta menggelora, jantung terus saja memompa. Butiran-butiran keringat berlompatan dari pori, berhamburan, bercerabutan disela ramang. Tenggorok digorok parau, gurau kacau terjebak payau galau, ceracau di thorax dicekam diafragma Nadi menegang, vena membelintang, arteri menari dalam marche funebre , bukan Marionete atau Chopin, tapi Beethoven dalam trans. kau usap mukaku, kau usap mataku, kau usap wajahku, kau balut mukaku, ku pagut cintaku, kau hilang. Pilu.. Hanya bayang.. Hanya bayang.. HHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIII............................ Siapa menanam durja, Kenapa merajam cinta? Fana hanya kita kakanda, mungkin tak kala untuk kau senja, bisa saja hilang kau dalam sehasta, terra incognita di mana-mana, marre incognitum penuh nujum, kembara kenapa? apa yang kau cari cinta? Semesta hening memekak otak, mayapada ternganga menggelitik pelik, gagu didasar kalbu. Dulu ragu dan mas que nada ku lagu, night train berucap untukku. Saat itu g

I dream of you riding my back I miss you ride my back I miss your voices, giggles and laughs Without them, I do not know how I can survive Tonight, the night is full of stars I envy the world of its happiness My stars are out of my reach My night is dark without light What should I do What should I do To survive this dark...

ku ingin tangis, air mata hanya buat jumpa aku ingin tawa tapi senyummu tak ada aku ingin cerita, tapi aku tak disana. aku ingin berkaca, tapi bening matamu dimana. aku ingin bicara, tapi cerita punya kita. aku ingin dekap, tapi peluk dipasung hampa. aku tak tau kemana kau selalu ada desah mu gelisahku dukamu hampaku rindu harapku pagi tadi ku ambil genggaman parang, machete kutempelkan di nadi waktu, ku ayun semarahku, ku tebas batang jemu ku tetak rawan jaman ku libas, ku beringas, ku naas menggigil ku di gigit dingin lima pagi duduk sendiri tangan kaku bilah jari pilu dimata hanya abu anganku di serbu senyummu raung rindu ku jemu haram ku tahan pelukmu ku perlu

Blended Ice pada rasa Meraja dada Senja tanpa saga cakrawala Waktu Mati Rasa Kopong Melompong Kosong Awang tidak terbang Dalam menu ada Sandwitch Isi Rindu Ada pula Sop Cinta yang medidih Tortilla rasa ingin jumpa, Pizza dengan tebaran khayalan Ice lemon tea dan lalap bittersweet warna  Virgin mary  dari cafe Batavia Penyendiri di ring bumi Disindir sepi yang dibawa hepi Proyeksi ke sudut hati, logika cahaya cinta Jadikan fana manusia superhumana sebelum jumpa.

Last August 11 is my 6th anniversary. Congratulation to me! Yet, sadly this is the second consecutive year I cannot celebrate it properly. This year just as last year, I was separated by distance from my wife, and I cannot pass it. Thus, besides bringing grateful feeling of the six years of blessings as man and wife, with two light of Kiran and  Sadeq in my little heaven, this anniversary also makes me blue. This year August 11 falls at Saturday. Here in Syracuse, NY it delays 11 hours after one in Indonesia. Under my unintended ignorance, I that was waiting to say "happy anniversary" to my wife forgot that it was already 11 in Indonesia. So, I had to said that after she reminded me. It was annoying. I was waiting for it, and this earth spinning mechanism tricked me. Today, I was also tricked by the time. After early breakfast at 4.00 AM in the morning, I fall asleep just after 4.40 AM. I woke up around 8.50 AM. As I have class at 9.00 AM, with an exceptional hurry,

There were several tastes that I have just tasted with the iftar today. First, the sweet taste of seeing the smile of my 3 years old son on the bus to my wife's workplace.   Second, the bitter taste of watching the news about war in Syria. Lastly, the delicious sour and spicy tastes of  asampadeh dagiang  I made it this afternoon for iftar . These three tastes were not related, yet all three merged in me, created state of the art feelings. I feel sorry for the humanity that have lost its humanism, I did not care for other matters because of a good meal I just have had, and I feel optimist that the world will be a better place in the future. These three feelings are what make a man a man. The insight that one's live span is not limited to one's life-time can articulate the difference between man with other animals. Human civilization, modern or indigenous are developed through cumulative knowledge. Humanity is not limited to one person's achievement only, yet dev

This post have stayed as a draft for almost a year. There have been no changes since almost last year, There is only title, and a blank body. Today, I have a feeling to write about it, but I have no idea about what is the most appropriate thing to fill this space. There are abundance of references for happiness, the way to get it, and tips and tricks. There are also stories, movies, reality shows, fables even nursery rhymes on happiness. Yet, I am not sure if any of them will fit in this space. After all, yesterday, I found happiness. Yes, it is just a picture of pink sandals. Yet, yesterday, it spoke happiness to me. I could see love, I could feel joy, I could taste and digest happiness from it. It shouted blatantly,"HEY, I am Happiness!!" Though so, it also spoke sadness. It cut my feelings and broke my heart. It made me weep. It articulate the sorrow, forlorn, mourn, melancholy, disconsolate, dispirited, dismal, woe-some, cheerless, and misty eyed me. Its color compo

It have been quite a bit we never talked, but we never really quit comprehending one another. Every single breath that I inhale is the way I tried to articulate my feelings and thoughts. Thus, you do not have to feel empty, I am still here for you; though my existence is much farther in space than before. You should not worry, you are in my head and soul and heart and blood and lung and thoughts all the time. Today and several late days, I have been rarely thinking. I have involved with dreams about you and the kids. I enjoyed those dreams, more than you could imagine of, but I was scared to wake from them. These enjoyments of dreaming, and the scares of waking-finding out what a space between us, have prevented me from thinking. when I was awake, I would weep, but not thinking; I would scream, but not thinking; I would be delirious, I would be humorous, I would be presumptuous, I would be nervous. I would stay silent for the whole day with my nerves, thinking about nothing. Though