tapi senyummu tak ada

ku ingin tangis,
air mata hanya buat jumpa

aku ingin tawa
tapi senyummu tak ada

aku ingin cerita,
tapi aku tak disana.

aku ingin berkaca,
tapi bening matamu dimana.

aku ingin bicara,
tapi cerita punya kita.

aku ingin dekap,
tapi peluk dipasung hampa.

aku tak tau kemana
kau selalu ada

desah mu
gelisahku

dukamu
hampaku

rindu
harapku

pagi tadi ku ambil genggaman parang,
machete kutempelkan di nadi waktu,
ku ayun semarahku,
ku tebas batang jemu
ku tetak rawan jaman
ku libas, ku beringas, ku naas

menggigil ku di gigit dingin
lima pagi duduk sendiri
tangan kaku
bilah jari pilu
dimata hanya abu
anganku di serbu senyummu

raung rindu ku jemu
haram ku tahan
pelukmu ku perlu

Comments

Reconciliation

Last August 11 is my 6th anniversary. Congratulation to me! Yet, sadly this is the second consecutive year I cannot celebrate it properly. This year just as last year, I was separated by distance from my wife, and I cannot pass it. Thus, besides bringing grateful feeling of the six years of blessings as man and wife, with two light of Kiran and Sadeq in my little heaven, this anniversary also makes me blue. This year August 11 falls at Saturday. Here in Syracuse, NY it delays 11 hours after one in Indonesia. Under my unintended ignorance, I that was waiting to say "happy anniversary" to my wife forgot that it was already 11 in Indonesia. So, I had to said that after she reminded me. It was annoying. I was waiting for it, and this earth spinning mechanism tricked me. Today, I was also tricked by the time. After early breakfast at 4.00 AM in the morning, I fall asleep just after 4.40 AM. I woke up around 8.50 ...

Datu Lengkung Waktu

Dulu, kuasa semesta hendak mengiringku, ku ayun sepatu pelempar batu... dia coba merayu, ku tantang dia dengan tinju, aku berlalu, laju dengan dayung ditanganku. Bertemu pada suatu waktu, coba dia mengaturku, mendidih darahku, aku berlalu. Pernah suatu ketika, dalam letihku, ditamparnya aku kau terpapar waktu, bisiknya dan tiada hirau ku, aku berlalu. Waktu angan menggiringku, ditamparnya aku, gagu dalam marahku, kalau hendak menekukku, kepalku sebeku palu, ditamparnya aku, merah mataku, kuremas kau jadi abu ditamparnya aku, ku lumat dia dengan mataku, ditamparnya aku, kau terpapar waktu aku berlalu. Api dimataku, ditamparnya aku ku ayun tinju, terjerembab ngilu, asin dimulutku, ditamparnya aku ngilu di tulangku, gemeretak buku jariku, ditamparnya aku tak mau ku diberi tahu, ku kasi dia tinju di dagu, aku berlalu. Dalam marah, perahuku laju, marah, lautku merah dalam marah, dayungku laju, perahuku ditelan kabut, dalam waktu, pudar bay...

Quite a Bit

It have been quite a bit we never talked, but we never really quit comprehending one another. Every single breath that I inhale is the way I tried to articulate my feelings and thoughts. Thus, you do not have to feel empty, I am still here for you; though my existence is much farther in space than before. You should not worry, you are in my head and soul and heart and blood and lung and thoughts all the time. Today and several late days, I have been rarely thinking. I have involved with dreams about you and the kids. I enjoyed those dreams, more than you could imagine of, but I was scared to wake from them. These enjoyments of dreaming, and the scares of waking-finding out what a space between us, have prevented me from thinking. when I was awake, I would weep, but not thinking; I would scream, but not thinking; I would be delirious, I would be humorous, I would be presumptuous, I would be nervous. I would stay silent for the whole day with my nerves, thinking about nothing. Though...

BONADEI

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