tapi senyummu tak ada

ku ingin tangis,
air mata hanya buat jumpa

aku ingin tawa
tapi senyummu tak ada

aku ingin cerita,
tapi aku tak disana.

aku ingin berkaca,
tapi bening matamu dimana.

aku ingin bicara,
tapi cerita punya kita.

aku ingin dekap,
tapi peluk dipasung hampa.

aku tak tau kemana
kau selalu ada

desah mu
gelisahku

dukamu
hampaku

rindu
harapku

pagi tadi ku ambil genggaman parang,
machete kutempelkan di nadi waktu,
ku ayun semarahku,
ku tebas batang jemu
ku tetak rawan jaman
ku libas, ku beringas, ku naas

menggigil ku di gigit dingin
lima pagi duduk sendiri
tangan kaku
bilah jari pilu
dimata hanya abu
anganku di serbu senyummu

raung rindu ku jemu
haram ku tahan
pelukmu ku perlu

Comments

A Little Note to the Light

Hearing your sobbing is the most difficult thing darling. Please forgive me. I know it is hard for us, especially for you. You love me and I am absolutely love you too. Tonight, I try to sleep, but I can not. Questions are shouting to me in silence. There are many things that I do not understand. I can not ensure my self whether this decision, which I have taken, is the best path or not. I do not know. Although I do not understand it my self, I hope you will understand some day. All that I want to be is being the best father for you and your brother. Both of you are my light. I am blind without you. You are my air. I can not breath without you. You are my soul. I am in hell without you. Sweetheart, I love you. Do you remember the time we play with Lego-blocks? In this life, I live my life, because of my in-capabilities, in a way like you play your lego. I often do not really know what I want to build or how to build it. I just put a brick on top of another, without really understand ...

Merajuk

Bangau putih memapah langkah. Ikan-ikan menyelam kolam, Si jantan menyeringai, yang betina mengurai rona. Embun menggantung diujung daun. Angin sorga datang menggoda, Gemulai daun menggelinjang, dahaga di ujung lidah Tekukur tafakur akur. Ujung jerami mengemas, bikin gemas. Tak lama lagi... Harap menunggu, jawab merayu. Sayu sendu, segera kau masuk dekapku. Nyana dinyana, umpan-umpan plastik berpaku menyangkuti tenggorokku, Embun plastik, tak luruhkandahagaku, Apa guna Lintabung mengisi lumbung... Haha Debu semesta..

Quite a Bit

It have been quite a bit we never talked, but we never really quit comprehending one another. Every single breath that I inhale is the way I tried to articulate my feelings and thoughts. Thus, you do not have to feel empty, I am still here for you; though my existence is much farther in space than before. You should not worry, you are in my head and soul and heart and blood and lung and thoughts all the time. Today and several late days, I have been rarely thinking. I have involved with dreams about you and the kids. I enjoyed those dreams, more than you could imagine of, but I was scared to wake from them. These enjoyments of dreaming, and the scares of waking-finding out what a space between us, have prevented me from thinking. when I was awake, I would weep, but not thinking; I would scream, but not thinking; I would be delirious, I would be humorous, I would be presumptuous, I would be nervous. I would stay silent for the whole day with my nerves, thinking about nothing. Though...

BONADEI

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