BONADEI

I dream of you riding my back I miss you ride my back I miss your voices, giggles and laughs Without them, I do not know how I can survive Tonight, the night is full of stars I envy the world of its happiness My stars are out of my reach My night is dark without light What should I do What should I do To survive this dark...

ku ingin tangis, air mata hanya buat jumpa aku ingin tawa tapi senyummu tak ada aku ingin cerita, tapi aku tak disana. aku ingin berkaca, tapi bening matamu dimana. aku ingin bicara, tapi cerita punya kita. aku ingin dekap, tapi peluk dipasung hampa. aku tak tau kemana kau selalu ada desah mu gelisahku dukamu hampaku rindu harapku pagi tadi ku ambil genggaman parang, machete kutempelkan di nadi waktu, ku ayun semarahku, ku tebas batang jemu ku tetak rawan jaman ku libas, ku beringas, ku naas menggigil ku di gigit dingin lima pagi duduk sendiri tangan kaku bilah jari pilu dimata hanya abu anganku di serbu senyummu raung rindu ku jemu haram ku tahan pelukmu ku perlu

Blended Ice pada rasa Meraja dada Senja tanpa saga cakrawala Waktu Mati Rasa Kopong Melompong Kosong Awang tidak terbang Dalam menu ada Sandwitch Isi Rindu Ada pula Sop Cinta yang medidih Tortilla rasa ingin jumpa, Pizza dengan tebaran khayalan Ice lemon tea dan lalap bittersweet warna  Virgin mary  dari cafe Batavia Penyendiri di ring bumi Disindir sepi yang dibawa hepi Proyeksi ke sudut hati, logika cahaya cinta Jadikan fana manusia superhumana sebelum jumpa.

Last August 11 is my 6th anniversary. Congratulation to me! Yet, sadly this is the second consecutive year I cannot celebrate it properly. This year just as last year, I was separated by distance from my wife, and I cannot pass it. Thus, besides bringing grateful feeling of the six years of blessings as man and wife, with two light of Kiran and  Sadeq in my little heaven, this anniversary also makes me blue. This year August 11 falls at Saturday. Here in Syracuse, NY it delays 11 hours after one in Indonesia. Under my unintended ignorance, I that was waiting to say "happy anniversary" to my wife forgot that it was already 11 in Indonesia. So, I had to said that after she reminded me. It was annoying. I was waiting for it, and this earth spinning mechanism tricked me. Today, I was also tricked by the time. After early breakfast at 4.00 AM in the morning, I fall asleep just after 4.40 AM. I woke up around 8.50 ...

There were several tastes that I have just tasted with the iftar today. First, the sweet taste of seeing the smile of my 3 years old son on the bus to my wife's workplace.   Second, the bitter taste of watching the news about war in Syria. Lastly, the delicious sour and spicy tastes of  asampadeh dagiang  I made it this afternoon for iftar . These three tastes were not related, yet all three merged in me, created state of the art feelings. I feel sorry for the humanity that have lost its humanism, I did not care for other matters because of a good meal I just have had, and I feel optimist that the world will be a better place in the future. These three feelings are what make a man a man. The insight that one's live span is not limited to one's life-time can articulate the difference between man with other animals. Human civilization, modern or indigenous are developed through cumulative knowledge. Humanity is not limited to one person's ac...

This post have stayed as a draft for almost a year. There have been no changes since almost last year, There is only title, and a blank body. Today, I have a feeling to write about it, but I have no idea about what is the most appropriate thing to fill this space. There are abundance of references for happiness, the way to get it, and tips and tricks. There are also stories, movies, reality shows, fables even nursery rhymes on happiness. Yet, I am not sure if any of them will fit in this space. After all, yesterday, I found happiness. Yes, it is just a picture of pink sandals. Yet, yesterday, it spoke happiness to me. I could see love, I could feel joy, I could taste and digest happiness from it. It shouted blatantly,"HEY, I am Happiness!!" Though so, it also spoke sadness. It cut my feelings and broke my heart. It made me weep. It articulate the sorrow, forlorn, mourn, melancholy, disconsolate, dispirited, dismal, woe-some, cheerless, and misty eyed me. Its color compo...

It have been quite a bit we never talked, but we never really quit comprehending one another. Every single breath that I inhale is the way I tried to articulate my feelings and thoughts. Thus, you do not have to feel empty, I am still here for you; though my existence is much farther in space than before. You should not worry, you are in my head and soul and heart and blood and lung and thoughts all the time. Today and several late days, I have been rarely thinking. I have involved with dreams about you and the kids. I enjoyed those dreams, more than you could imagine of, but I was scared to wake from them. These enjoyments of dreaming, and the scares of waking-finding out what a space between us, have prevented me from thinking. when I was awake, I would weep, but not thinking; I would scream, but not thinking; I would be delirious, I would be humorous, I would be presumptuous, I would be nervous. I would stay silent for the whole day with my nerves, thinking about nothing. Though...